Financially-strained man refuses to pay for sixth coast-to-coast flight this year to visit family on Christmas, relatives react with insulting criticism: ‘[You] have enough money’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Dec 19, 2024 9:00 PM EST

Christmas, they say, is the most wonderful time of the year, A time for families to come together and spend quality time with relatives and loved ones. Unfortunately, as we all know, families aren't always the perfect example of solidarity, understanding, and compassion, to say the least, and that could make the holiday season an extremely stressful time.

The original poster (OP) of this story is experiencing just that. He, his wife, and their three children, who are all under 10, live far from their relatives but still make the effort to visit regularly. five times this year, to be exact.

But now they're in a tight spot. Money's running low, they're just getting over being sick, and those Christmas flight prices? ouch! So they made the tough call to skip the holiday trip this year. You'd think the family would understand, but that's not the case. Instead, OP got an earful about poor planning and disappointing everyone. Even got offered a loan, which could be a nice suggestion, but doesn't solve the whole "we're already in debt" problem.

So, while his real family disappointed - his Reddit fam offered all the support a man could ask for.

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  • 01
    "The response was hurtful. I was told this was poor planning on my part"
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  • 02
    AITA- Wont be home for Christmas
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    My wife and I have 3 young children. One is under 1 year. We have lived on the opposite coast from my family for the duration of my marriage and children- having years. We have made the
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  • 04
    children home every Christmas except one where my wife had just had our second. We also usually come at least one other time a year. We have room to host family and friends in our home, and have always welcomed all guests.
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  • 05
    This year we have been home 5 times for various reasons - funerals, Easter, weddings, etc. We were home within the last month, and I got sick with some kind of virus and my kids got it from me when we returned
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  • 06
    home. We are just now starting to feel better. Additionally, money is tight this year (because of my job and wife taking maternity leave for our third). Tickets to fly home
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  • 07
    were more than both of us currently have in our bank accounts. We have not taken a vacation this year - only flown home for the 5 trips.
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  • 08
    I told my family that we were not going to be able to make it home this year, and that we were sorry. I was already very sad about the
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  • 09
    situation and embarrassed that my finances couldn't cover the trip. But I knew we had already been many times this year to visit.
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  • 10
    The response was hurtful. I was told this was poor planning on my part, and that I should have skipped an earlier visit instead, that my mother puts a big effort in the holiday, and it wasn't fair to
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  • 11
    change the plan this late in the year. My Mother offered to loan me the money to fly, but I told her that I still have not even bought any gifts for my kids or wife, and that we already have accrued some credit card debt this year.
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  • 12
    My brother also doubled down and said this was an impulsive decision, and that from an outsiders perspective, we seem like we have enough money, and that this was news to them.
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  • 13
    I am really angry and am struggling with what to do. AITA?
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  • 14
    OhmsWay-71 10h ago · Colo-rectal... Top 1% Comme... NTA. You don't go, and you let them be mad. They don't have to suffer the consequences of you going. They
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    don't have to pay back money they don't even have for a trip they don't really want to go on. You will be missed, but nothing bad will happen. Agree with them.
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  • 16
    Tell them it was poor planning on your part. Then make sure that you don't go all year, and that way you can afford to go next Christmas. You have an excellent reason to say no all year long.
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    alien_overlord_1001 • 10h ago • Professor E... Top 1% Comme... NTA You don't have to justify yourselves - if your finances won't stretch this year, then that is the end of it. Xmas shouldn't be about getting into debt and making the new year depressing.
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    I'm sure your mother does put in a lot of effort for the holidays - but ask her where she used to go before she was your mother? Was there someone who always 'did christmas'? When did it move to
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    her to be the host? Remind her that she was in your place once - a young family, making your own family things I'm sure she disappointed someone at some time around not going to some event.
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    As we grow older, have our own families etc, things change - traditions end and begin. Things can't stay the same way forever.
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  • 21
    CrinklyPacket • 9h ago • NTA. Your home is on the opposite coast. You don't have the money. That's the reality. Just because they don't understand or believe it, doesn't make it less
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    true. Have a good holiday at home with your family and don't feel guilty. You've been there five other times this year. How often have they been out to see you?
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  • 23
    toosheeptheorist • 10h ago • Colo-rectal... Top 1% Comme... NTA - you have your own family: your wife and three children. You;ve already made MORE than enough trips home to visit your extended family, in addition to not being able to afford the trip.
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  • 24
    Stay home, enjoy the time with the wife & kids. Your mom, although possibly well meaning, should accept your answer for not accepting the loan of the money to fly there, and your brother is just sticking his nose in where it doesn't belong. Just because it LOOKS like someone is affluent, does not mean that they are.
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christmas family drama aita overstepping entitled parents holiday season criticism mother sibling rivalry siblings family feud loan couples mother in law family sibling holidays parents
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